To spank or not to spank your kids, is an age old controversial debate between adults that never seems to end with a mutually agreed upon compromise. Most adults are either strongly opposed against or strongly in agreement for this kind of discipline. Those who are opposed feel that the 1940's logic and teachings of Dr Spock "to spare the rod and spoil the child" is the better method to raise a respectful child into adulthood. Those in agreement of spanking children feel very strongly that without this kind of forceful discipline, we are raising a generation of spoiled kids who respect no one.
Who is right?
It is said, that fear equals respect. Or so, many of us have been taught. Perhaps respect equals respect but there are those who would contend that this approach also backfires. The advocates for spanking a child as a way to discipline will argue that this is the same method that their own parents used on them, and that "they turned out just fine!". That the generations before them, used spanking as a strong behaviour control method and everyone grew up into respectful adults. And they hold the opinion that because we aren't spanking our kids any longer, there are more and more problems in the world!
However, hitting is also related to bullying, anger and poor mental health. On the other side of the issue are parents who have decided to take the softer approach, and will defend their position by stating that a child can be effectively taught respectful behavior by simply sitting with them, talking with them, reasoning with them, explaining their actions to them and treating them like tiny adults. They feel that using any form of violence breeds more violence, and the anti-spanking advocates refuse to use any method that seems too harsh. But, is it also too soft? Does it allow a child to get away with inappropriate behavior because they have no fear of serious consequences for their actions? From one extreme to another. With both sides holding strong to their chosen parenting approach. Yet both firm positions on this issue have been proven to have possibly detrimental end results. Has anyone ever considered that there might be another way to win at parenting? By using more of a balanced approach?
Somewhere along the way, good balanced parenting was clouded by this vehement discipline issue. For whatever reason, adults have drawn deep lines in the sand and they are either completely "for" or completely "against" strong discipline. There is no in-between in their minds. Of course, there have been multiple studies to prove the damage done by spanking a child, however a lack of strong discipline has also shown some sobering negative end results as well. Sadly, this impassioned debate historically continues without a decent armistice or resolution and instead there just seems to be a growing concern for poor mental health issues, depression, suicide, self-medication and drug use, anger-related crime, violence, bullying, disrespect, poor self-esteem and so much more. In response to the many mental health issues facing society today, there are many reactive solutions to salve the problems which range from mindfulness programs to anti-bullying programs to suicide prevention programs to requests for more mental health funding to alcohol and drug use education and the list goes on and on. All of these solutions are important to have but they are also essentially "bandaid" solutions for after the problem has surfaced with many having a low percentage of long term success. Why would this be the case? Because many only touch the surface and don't actually get to the root of the real problem or are unable to reverse the deep damage done many years before.
So, here is a suggestion. What if we all just tried something new? Something different. Something PROACTIVE. Something quite possibly life-changing?
First, let's address the root problem. Family Relationship Health. Because at the very core of what happens in our lives and how we "become" who we are, FRH is the formative clay that shapes us all. Family relationships need to be positive and good in order for us to grow into healthy adults. And this can only be accomplished by using better support systems within a family structure. As adults, every single thing we say and do, will impact the future for our wee ones. They learn by our example, they mirror us, they watch us, they rely on us for guidance about life and they love us unconditionally. So, when we hit them or yell at them or threaten them or ignore them or dismiss them, we are teaching them to do the same. And our "attack" on them is very confusing to them. They love us and can't understand how we can do such hurtful things to them and this action subliminally and very seriously affects their mental health quality which quietly internally festers with poisonous stealth until there is an obvious mental health issue. And then, sadly, the damage is done and the toxic cycle continues and continues and continues. Generation after generation after generation.
So, what is a better solution? How can you deal with a behavioral challenge in young children without spanking them, yelling at them, making threats, ignoring them by plugging them into electronics or spoiling them and not dealing at all with their behavior correction? And even more seriously, what can we do to minimize the negative impact on their mental health?
One really fabulous, simple, effective and proactive solution, believe it or not, is to simply deal some cards!
Introducing, THE RED CARD BLUE CARD GAME Parenting Solution! www.redcardbluecardgame.com . A very easy-to-play, simple-to-use, balanced parenting system of consequences and rewards where consequences are learned and rewards are earned! The content of the cards have been analyzed, tested and approved by parents, parenting experts and child behavior consultants so that all of the guesswork of what to do has been taken care of! No more need to spank a child as the fear of getting a RED CARD is all that is needed, which eliminates the need for physical discipline (yes, it really does work!) And it allows a parent to keep their cool as well so yelling and making threats is not needed. The reward of a BLUE CARD, must be earned so that a child now understands the importance of doing the right things in life in order to have good things happen for them. This is their incentive and a child quickly learns how to behave better when they are trying to avoid getting a RED CARD and they know they can potentially earn a BLUE CARD! The Red Card Blue Card Game www.redcardbluecardgame.com is the perfect proactive, interactive, balanced and consistent approach to parenting and satisfies both sides of the spanking debate as it offers the better behavior correction solution. The game incorporates the very important basics of the Golden Rule and provides both the strong disciplinarian and the soft permissive parent the solution that they are searching for without the need for the extreme reactive methods they currently rely on. For more information about The Red Card Blue Card Game, go to www.redcardbluecardgame.com and join the trending movement of balanced positive parenting and thriving family relationships so we can all look forward to a brighter future ahead!
What are your thoughts on this subject? I would love to hear from you! Please feel free to comment in the section below and let's chat!